Last Minute Halloween Costumes
October 25, 2017
Author: Josie Sivigny
If you’re glancing around your house looking for what you can turn into a decent costume a few hours before you’re supposed to be somewhere, we’re here to help. Let’s be honest with each other right here and now—we’re not looking for a transcendent piece of art. We’re aiming to pass for “tried” at the party you’re still considering bailing on.
You could drag out the old cat ears in the back of the closet from your college years. Maybe you’ve still got an ironic “This Is My Costume” t-shirt laying around? Wait—what’s that in the corner? That white Tuft & Needle box you still haven’t dragged out to the dumpster even though you’ve been sleeping peacefully for a month now?
We can work with that.
What’s In The Box? You really have a lot of options here, but you should start by watching SE7EN. You can go Freeman, Spacey, or Pitt and you’d probably be a hit. Freeman’s fedora and trench coat look is probably the easiest to grab from your nearby thrift store.
You can down-size your Tuft & Needle Box to get a more authentic look, slap a “fragile” sticker on each side, and set it down in the middle of the party—you’re sure to get the inevitable question. Bonus points for taping a photo of Gwyneth Paltrow inside for anyone curious enough to look. Vague reference to a movie that’s over two decades old? Maybe, but today’s meme could be tomorrow’s favorite costume.
Box Spring Hit up your local craft store (Or your neighbor’s garden, but ask Edith first! Tuft & Needle in no way condones stealing from Edith’s garden.) and grab some flowers and a hot glue gun. Attach the flowers at random and make yourself some armholes so you can be the prettiest girl at the ball.
If you prefer to go for the more traditional pun, you can yank some of the springs from that old mattress that’s been in your alley for far too long and glue them to the box.
Soap Box You’ll need a pack of white or pink balloons and a strong political disposition for this one. Blow up the balloons and attach them all over the box, make sure to leave room for your arms! Once you get to the party, jump into any and all conversations that are even remotely controversial. Shout your opinions and go on tirades, or just read your Aunt’s Facebook posts out loud until everyone has given up on trying to talk to you. First person to use the phrase “soap box” in reference to you wins.
T-Wrexed This is for the more advanced crafters out there. You’ll need to transform your box into a T-rex. Don’t ask us how, we’re just here to supply the behavioral requirements to pull it off, but here’s a much more helpful blog post. The important part to drive the pun home is stumbling around and using your tucked arms to knock drinks out of unsuspecting friends’ human hands. If you’re really going to commit, a few dino-roars to silence the party wouldn’t be a bad plan.
If you can figure out how to slur a roar, please send a video to firstname.lastname@example.org. We want to see.
Out Of The Box Again, we’re not winning awards here. We’re getting out the door and to the chips and salsa. Bring your box and set it next to you. You can even use the handles for convenient transportation. When someone asks what you came as, just give them a sly grin and say “Think outside the box.” and wait for the applause. It will be slow and reluctant, but applause is applause.
Card-Bored Similar to “Out Of The Box”, this costume requires the bare minimum of effort, but should get a chuckle. Cut yourself some armholes and wear your best “I’m over this” expression. This one is perfect for the party-goer that doesn’t want to go through the hoopla of pretending they are having fun all night. Find a spot on the couch and stare blankly at anyone who asks what you dressed as, follow it with a dramatic sigh for added effect.
Johann Sebastian Bach…x This is not for the average Halloween costumer. It requires a real appreciation for both puns and the Baroque period. You’ll need a powdered wig and perhaps a tidy waistcoat. Tape sheet music (We recommend Bouree in E Minor.) to your box and cut armholes. Wrap your coat around the outside, throw on that wig, and get ready to party like it’s 1725.
With these, you should be ready to go forth and mildly impress whatever circle of friends you’re hanging out with this weekend. Stay safe and know that you only have to stick the party out until 11 before gracefully exiting and heading home to your Tuft & Needle.