Across the nation, citizens are reporting a rise in what looks like extreme exhaustion amongst their peers. The epidemic, colloquially known as “Sleep Zombification,” is said to result in symptoms including crankiness, coffee cravings, and a tendency to zone out in the middle of conversations.
“I never thought it would happen to me,” Kansas City resident Bill Myers recently told T&N. “The first sign was the deep, dark circles growing around my eyes. Then, the next thing I knew I was waking up in the neighbor's yard with a dog toy in between my teeth.”
According to the NYPD, there’s been an increase in 911 calls reporting pajama-clad victims wandering the streets of Manhattan late at night.* As stated by department officials, these “Sleep Zombies” appear to be extremely tired, and are often heard mumbling phrases like “need a new mattress.”
“We’re still actively investigating,” the New York Chief of Police joked during a recent press conference. “But we can say that the Sandman has not been ruled out as a suspect.”
It’s still unclear what exactly is causing this sleepy epidemic, but several victims have claimed their zombification to be a result of an inadequate sleep setup, or as some are calling it: Mattress Nightmares.
“It all started when I bought a mattress off Craigslist,” a Bay Area resident recently told T&N. “It had these old springs that kept digging into my back while I tried to sleep. I couldn’t get comfortable.”
Others have had similar experiences. Sara Spelling, a recent Stanford Graduate, told T&N that she believed her Sleep Zombification was a direct result of sleeping on a hand-me-down mattress she got from her grandmother. “The bed creaks, so I wake up every time I roll over,” Spelling told T&N. “I’ve been guzzling energy drinks daily, but I’m still walking around with my arms outstretched. Nothing helps.”
Experts believe that the illness is sleep-driven and not contagious, but that hasn’t stopped the epidemic from disrupting daily life for coworkers and friends and family of victims.
“My boss has been acting like even more of a jerk than usual,” one New York resident, who asked to remain anonymous, told T&N. “The other day he yelled at me in front of everyone, then a couple of minutes later, I caught him stuffing his face with chips and chocolate bars in the break room. He seemed really out of it.”
“It comes on slow, and then it just hits you,” sleep expert Shelby Sheets told T&N. “Victims can go from perky and productive to totally out of it in just a matter of days.”
According to Sheets, Sleep Zombie symptoms can include everything from bloodshot eyes and junk food cravings to an increase in morning groans. “We’ve even seen full-blown adult temper tantrums coming from some patients,” she said. “It isn’t pretty.”
So what can you do if you or a loved one starts showing symptoms of sleep zombification? According to Sheets, the first step is getting a better night’s sleep. “Some of my patients have reported that switching to a Tuft & Needle mattress has helped them finally get the sleep they need,” she told T&N. “I use one, and I’ve never had a problem.”
But could one mattress cure it all? According to a recent study from the Journal of Uncomfortable Beds, it can. “T&N Adaptive® foam is designed for maximum pressure relief,” the study states.* “This results in feelings of lightness, relaxation and calm—everything you need for a good night’s rest.”
Sara Spelling, the Stanford graduate, agrees: “I ordered a new mattress as soon as I heard Tuft & Needle was curing Zombies,” she told us. “I’ve been sleeping like a baby ever since, and now my roommates don’t hate me.”
The mattress nightmare is real for some, but it doesn’t have to be for you. Escape the fate of becoming a sleep zombie at MattressNightmares.com.
Make it through and you could even win a free mattress set!
*All studies and parties quoted are for entertainment purposes only. But you never know what can happen after a few nights of poor sleep.
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